It’s a question that often leaves us bewildered and heartbroken: “Why would they do that? They seemed to be doing so well.” When someone attempts suicide, especially if they appeared to be ‘OK’, it can be shocking and confusing for those around them. The truth is, the reasons behind suicide attempts are complex and not always visible to others.
In this article, we’ll explore ten reasons why people might attempt suicide even when they seem to be doing fine. By understanding these hidden struggles, we can better recognize the signs and offer support to those who need it most.
The Complexity of Suicidal Behavior
Before we dive into the specific reasons, it’s crucial to understand that suicidal behavior is complex and multifaceted. It’s rarely caused by a single factor, but rather by a combination of biological, psychological, and social influences.
According to SADAG, In South Africa there are 23 suicides a day recorded and 230 serious attempts. This statistic underscores the importance of awareness and understanding surrounding this issue.
1. They May Not Actually Be Feeling Better
One of the most common misconceptions about suicide is that it’s always preceded by visible signs of distress. In reality, many people who attempt suicide have become adept at hiding their pain from the world.
The Mask of Wellness
People struggling with suicidal thoughts often put on a “brave face” to conceal their inner turmoil. This facade can be so convincing that even their closest friends and family members might not realize the depth of their suffering.
Why They Hide Their Pain
There are several reasons why someone might hide their emotional pain:
- Fear of being a burden to others
- Stigma surrounding mental health issues
- Belief that they should be able to handle their problems on their own
- Concern about professional or social repercussions
It’s important to remember that just because someone appears to be doing well doesn’t mean they’re not struggling internally. Regular check-ins and creating a safe space for open conversations can help penetrate this mask of wellness.
2. They May Believe Their Problems Are Insurmountable
For some individuals, the thought of living with their pain for the rest of their lives becomes unbearable. They may see suicide as the only way out of what they perceive to be an impossible situation.
The Role of Hopelessness
Hopelessness is a significant risk factor for suicide. When someone believes that their situation will never improve, no matter what they do, it can lead to thoughts of ending their life.
Breaking the Cycle of Negative Thinking
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly effective in helping individuals challenge and reframe these negative thought patterns. By learning to identify and question their pessimistic beliefs, people can begin to see alternatives to suicide.
3. Their Attempt May Be a Cry for Help
Sometimes, a suicide attempt is not necessarily driven by a desire to die, but rather by a desperate need for help and attention to their suffering.
Understanding Suicide Gestures
A “suicide gesture” is an act that appears to be a suicide attempt but is actually intended to communicate distress or to elicit a response from others. While these gestures should always be taken seriously, they often indicate that the person is not ready to die but feels they have no other way to express their pain or get the help they need.
The Importance of Taking All Threats Seriously
Whether an act is a “gesture” or a genuine attempt, it’s crucial to treat all threats of suicide with utmost seriousness. Each instance is a clear sign that the person is in significant emotional distress and needs immediate support and professional help.
4. They May Fear the Consequences of Not Following Through
Once someone has decided to attempt suicide, they may feel trapped by their decision, fearing the consequences of not following through.
The Weight of Expectations
They might worry about:
- What others will think if they don’t go through with it
- Losing the courage to try again if they back out now
- Being seen as attention-seeking or manipulative
Breaking the Cycle
It’s crucial to create an environment where seeking help is encouraged and valued. Emphasize that changing one’s mind about suicide is a sign of strength, not weakness.
5. They May Have Unresolved Trauma or Loose Ends
Unresolved trauma or significant life issues can contribute to suicidal thoughts, even if the person appears to be coping well on the surface.
The Impact of Past Trauma
Traumatic experiences, especially those from childhood, can have long-lasting effects on mental health. Even if someone seems to have moved past these experiences, they may still be grappling with their impact internally.
Addressing Unfinished Business
Sometimes, people may feel they need to “tie up loose ends” before attempting suicide. This might involve:
- Reconnecting with estranged family members
- Resolving old conflicts
- Putting their affairs in order
Recognizing these behaviors as potential warning signs can be crucial in prevention efforts.
6. They May Have an Undiagnosed Mental Illness
Mental illness, particularly when undiagnosed, can significantly increase the risk of suicide attempts. Conditions such as depression, bipolar disorder, and borderline personality disorder are strongly associated with suicidal behavior.
The Challenge of Diagnosis
Many mental health conditions can be difficult to diagnose, especially if the individual is skilled at masking their symptoms. Additionally, some people may avoid seeking help due to stigma or lack of access to mental health resources.
The Importance of Mental Health Screenings
Regular mental health screenings, particularly for those with known risk factors, can help identify potential issues before they escalate to the point of a suicide attempt.
7. They May Feel Others Would Be Better Off Without Them
A common but tragic belief among those considering suicide is that their death would benefit their loved ones.
The Illusion of Being a Burden
People struggling with suicidal thoughts often feel they are a burden to their friends and family. They may believe that by ending their life, they’re doing others a favor.
Challenging These Beliefs
It’s crucial to help individuals understand the devastating impact suicide has on loved ones. Therapy, support groups, and open conversations with family members can help challenge these distorted beliefs.
8. They May Lack a Strong Support System
The absence of a robust support network can leave individuals feeling isolated and alone in their struggles, increasing the risk of suicide attempts.
The Protective Power of Social Connections
Research consistently shows that strong social connections are a protective factor against suicide. People who feel supported and connected to others are less likely to attempt suicide, even when facing significant challenges.
Building Support Networks
Encouraging involvement in community activities, support groups, or therapy can help individuals build the connections they need to weather difficult times.
9. They May Have Been Holding It Together for Others
Sometimes, people who appear to be coping well are actually expending enormous energy to maintain that appearance for the sake of others.
The Pressure of Being the “Strong One”
Individuals who are seen as pillars of strength in their families or communities may feel intense pressure to maintain that image, even when they’re struggling internally.
The Danger of Emotional Exhaustion
Over time, the effort required to maintain this facade can lead to emotional exhaustion. When they finally reach their breaking point, it may seem sudden to others, even though the struggle has been ongoing internally.
10. They May Have Already Decided to Attempt Suicide
In some cases, an individual may appear to be doing better because they’ve already made the decision to attempt suicide.
The Paradox of Improved Mood
Counterintuitively, some people may seem happier or more at peace once they’ve decided to end their life. This is because they believe their suffering will soon be over.
Recognizing This Warning Sign
A sudden improvement in mood, especially after a period of depression, should not be automatically assumed to be a positive sign. It’s important to remain vigilant and continue to offer support and check in regularly.
How to Help Someone at Risk of Suicide
If you suspect someone you know may be considering suicide, there are steps you can take to help:
- Take all talk of suicide seriously: Never dismiss or minimize someone’s suicidal thoughts or feelings.
- Ask directly about suicide: Don’t be afraid to ask if someone is considering suicide. It won’t put the idea in their head, but it may give them permission to talk about it.
- Listen without judgment: Allow the person to express their feelings without trying to talk them out of them or offering quick solutions.
- Remove access to lethal means: If possible, remove or secure items that could be used in a suicide attempt, such as firearms or large quantities of medication.
- Encourage professional help: Urge the person to seek help from a mental health professional or contact a crisis helpline.
- Stay connected: Regular check-ins can make a significant difference. Let the person know you care and are there for them.
- Help create a safety plan: Work with the individual to develop a plan for what to do if suicidal thoughts become overwhelming.
- Educate yourself: Learn about suicide risk factors, warning signs, and local resources for help.
Breaking the Silence Around Suicide Attempts
Understanding the hidden reasons behind suicide attempts is crucial in our efforts to prevent them. By recognizing that someone who appears to be “OK” may still be at risk, we can take steps to offer support and potentially save lives.
Remember, if you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, help is available. The South African Depression and Anxiety Group provides 24/7, free and confidential support. Call +27 800 567 567 or visit their website for online chat.
By fostering open conversations about mental health, creating supportive communities, and ensuring access to mental health resources, we can work together to reduce the risk of suicide and support those who are struggling, even when their pain isn’t visible on the surface.
In the end, it’s about showing compassion, offering support, and reminding those who are struggling that they are valued, that help is available, and that there is hope for a better tomorrow.
